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Me and Earl and the Dying Girl
By Jesse Andrews
ISBN: 978-1-4197-0176-4
Summary of Concerns: This book contains explicit sexual nudity; sexual activities; and excessive/frequent profanity and derogatory terms.
Book Content
| Page | Content |
| 32 | GREG’S INEXPLICABLE BONER is in full retreat. |
| 42 | Chapter 6 PHONE SEX |
| 49 | I’m just saying, you do not leave Isreal without getting laid. You could have and eight-inch-thick titanium diaper bolted to your pelvis, and you would still somehow get laid. It should be their official tourism slogan: Isreal. Where Virginity Goes to Die. |
| 59 | “Are you gonna eat her pussy?” |
| 60 | “Yeah, Earl, I’m going to eat her pussy.” “Heh.” “Yeah.” “Do you even know how to eat pussy?” “Uh, not really.” “Papa Gaines never sat you down, said, Son, one day you’re going to have o eat the pussy.” “No. But he did teach me how to eat a butthole.” …”God bless that man.” “Yup.” “I would teach you some pussy-eating technique, but it’s a little complicated.” …”Son, I don’t have time for that. I got like twenty pussies over here that I need to eat.” “Is that right.” “I’m on pussy deadline.” “You’ve got twenty vaginas, all lined up in a row.” “Aw, what the hell. What the hell. No one’s talkin bout vaginas. Greg, what the hell is wrong with you. Man, that’s nasty.” …”I’m talkin bout pussy. I got a little honey mustard over here, a little Heinz 57, and a whole lotta pussy.” |
| 69 | My God, what if she wanted to have sex? Would I even be able to get a boner? I was pretty sure it would be impossible for me to get a boner in those circumstances. |
| 72 | “I mean, it’s also their fault for getting sexy pillows.” “We had this one pillow in the house, they had to burn it, because that thing just got me so aroused.’ “That was the sexiest pillow, I just, I just wanted to make love to it all night, until the dark break of dawn.” “I used to call that pillow the dirtiest names. I used to say ‘You slutty pillow, you’re such a dirty slut, stop toying with my emotions.” …”Then one day I came home from school and caught that pillow having oral sex with this table from across the street…” |
| 73 | 3. Suggest that you habitually masturbate all over pillows. |
| 74 | yo pa gaines drove me to whole foods so if you need some funky Vlasic pickle relish for that pussy just hollerrr |
| Page | Content |
| 75 | “All you need to know is that it’s about the combination of food and sex. Like, oral sex.” …”Why is Earl combining food and oral sex?” |
| 111 | Yeah, uh, fuck. shit. Earl Werner Herzog can lick my ass-cheek. …Earl Man, fuck Aguirre, the Wrath of God. Werner Herzog can stick his face all up in my butthole. |
| 206 | So you can be a heterosexual, or a homosexual, and I feel like I understand that, like you’re a woman in a man’s body or some shit, but I been thinking about it and how the fuck can somebody call theyself a bisexual. …Man, ain’t nobody like, that fine-ass girl is making me hard right now. Oh wait, my mistake, that dude over there is the one that’s making me hard. That don’t make no goddamn sense. …Goddamn. If you’re seriously like, “For real, I’m bisexual, any person can get me hard,” man, you must get a hard-on from all kinds of freaky shit. Greg I think, uh…I mean, some scientists think that everyone’s actually a little bit of both. Home and hetero. Earl Naw. That don’t make any damn sense at all. You tellin me right now, you can look at some titties, get a hard-on, look at some dude’s funky dick, get another hard-on. You gonna tell me that for real. …Dog taking a dump: hard-on. Wendy’s double cheeseburger: hard-on. Computer virus that destroy all your shit: hard-on. …Big-ass hard-on for that shit. …You wanna get with that girl, with the big-ass titties? …You walk up to her, say, Girl, you might not a known this about me, but I’m a trisexual. …Girl’s like, what the fuck? …You like, Yeah, trisexual. …Then you drop the bomb, you’re like: trisexual, girl. Cuz I’ma try to have sex with you. …Try-sexual. |
| 273 | The jocks started asking me when I was going to do a gay porn. |
| Profanity/Derogatory Terms | Count |
| Ass | 57 |
| Bitch | 8 |
| Cock | 2 |
| Dick | 22 |
| Fag/Faggot | 3 |
| Fuck | 94 |
| Goddamn | 17 |
| Nigga/Nigger | 3 |
| Piss | 27 |
| Pussy | 13 |
| Shit | 88 |
| Tit | 7 |
